“I feel like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop,” I recently told my therapist in a counseling session. I started seeing her at the beginning of this year to help me through some anxiety I was dealing with while settling into what seems to be a new normal. The last two years have been a roller coaster. Who am I kidding? My whole life has been a roller coaster. As far back as I can remember, I can’t think of a time when things have been easy-going for any length of time, but the same can be said for being in a time of stress. This too shall pass, right? That’s life. That’s everyone’s life. The good and the bad don’t last forever. Of course, there are some long-term effects that come from the highs and lows. Eventually your deep and undying love of pizza and indulging every chance you get is met with you looking in the mirror and noticing that your face and everything else is rounder (this may or may not have happened to me recently). The breakdown of a special relationship and the heartbreaking pain that comes with that loss gets easier to deal with over time, so I’ve heard.
“This too shall pass, right? That’s life.
That’s everyone’s life.
The good and the bad don’t last forever.”
There is a season for everything. I think I tend to have more anxiety when things are going well because I just know that something is going to happen to ruin it all. I think the same can be said for not losing hope that things will get better. Hanging in there and pushing through. It’s always darkest before the dawn. That is kinda where I’ve been living lately. There have been some really great things happening. I got a promotion at work. Not only is God using this as a way to take care of my little family financially, but I don’t think I could be in a work role that is more perfectly suited for me. Johnny and I have been quite healthy lately. Even our allergies haven’t been terrible this year. We haven’t had to do a breathing treatment for Johnny in months and months. I’ve been able to sing at church a lot more this year. There isn’t much in life I love more than leading worship in singing. I even have the opportunity to go with my church at the end of April for a 10-day trip to Israel (OMG! That’s next week). All of this is in addition to getting ready to self-publish my book in the next couple months. Yep, my book. I’ll talk more about that in my next blog post, so stay tuned.
The point is that there are a lot of really good things happening right now, and I’m having to be really conscious about actually enjoying it and not just waiting for whatever is going to come along and ruin it. I am also having to be conscious about these things I just listed as being the highs that are helping to pull me out of the lows over the past couple of years. I can’t pretend that the dog days are over and that I’ve had my hard life so it’s roses from here on out. I think the biggest message for me right now is that I can’t get stuck in a present moment. I have to keep moving because life is moving. I can enjoy the highs and what they bring and then also lean into the lows as I’m passing through those.
The other thing I am having to learn through this thing called life is that God is still good through all of it. He loves me when I’m in my healthiest best place and enjoying life. He also loves me when I’m face down across my bed, screaming as loud as I can and beating my fists into the mattress because I don’t know how I can handle another day. He not only loves me but He is there with me in those moments. For someone like me who questions everything and doubts myself and every decision I make, this is huge. I can count on Him to be my Comforter in my sadness, Help in a time of trouble, the Solid Rock on which I stand, my Rock and my Redeemer, the One who rejoices over me with singing, my Protector and Provider. I could go on and on. The point is that in a world and life that are so uncertain and unstable, my God is constant. His Word and character never change. That is the truth and I can hold on to it in every moment.