I am so excited to be writing this blog post. It’s been a long time coming, and honestly, I’ve been putting it off because I wanted it to be perfect and have every single little thing in order first. Well, again, I have to remember that the best things in life will be missed if I’m waiting for perfection. So here it is: I wrote a book!
Okay. I know that a lot of you already know this because I’ve been talking about it for years. Literally years. Back in 2010 I had just moved home after my second marriage fell apart (a short version of my story can be read in the blog post “Hot Mess”). I was doing some reading and journaling one day when all of a sudden God put a story on my heart, I believe, as a way for me to put a picture to my Heavenly Father’s love for me and His hand in my life. At the same time, He spoke to my heart saying, “This is how I will provide for you.” I kind of dismissed that part of it and focused on the story. This story has evolved over the past 8 years because my story has evolved. I am grateful that God gave me this story and the journey of writing it as a way to work through the tragedy of broken dreams and discover the hope that can only be found in Him through His redemption. The book is called “Hope’s Purpose.” This is a story of a Potter who not only gives life to every piece of pottery He creates, but also gives them a choice of how they will be used. He creates each piece with a special purpose and asks that they trust Him, but ultimately it’s their choice.
This story follows a piece of pottery named Hope. We meet her as a lump of clay, shapeless and without form. We see the Potter take the time to mold her into a precious creation with her purpose in mind. She is asked to trust the Potter but is given a choice as to how her purpose will be fulfilled. We follow her through a series of highs and lows, optimism and broken dreams, to the point where, finally, she believes she will never have a chance to be functional again, let alone be what the Potter created her to be. The stage is set for the Potter’s hand of love, grace, and redemption to work in her beautiful little life. In the end we find out for whom and what she was created.
“…God gave it to me for a reason: not just for my own healing but to share with others so they could find healing from their hurts as well.”
For the first four years, this story was just in my mind. I hadn’t taken the time to get it out onto paper. I was still working through the narrative and truth in my life and story. I was also scared, not of failure but of success. You see. I had been experiencing the “magic” of this story in my own life. It had given me tangible pictures and words to work through my pain, knowing there was hope. At certain times God had led me to share this story verbally with individuals who were going though struggles. I saw that it gave them hope and direction back to their Creator. From the very beginning, I have believed in the power of this story and that God gave it to me for a reason: not just for my own healing but to share with others so they could find healing from their hurts as well.
Finally, in the summer of 2014, I put the most current version of the story on paper and thought it was done and ready to go. I knew it was an allegory of “my story,” and at that time the conclusion was that even though the little pot had made the wrong choice a couple times in who would take her home from the shop and how she was used, the Potter revealed in the end that He had the right person for her and His purpose for her was to help the man with a mission he was on. I was praying about what the next steps were. I had contacted a few people to get their take on the story and if they had any advice in how to move forward. Everything kind of seemed to be at a standstill, and I really didn’t have complete peace about the story being done. Maybe it needed more editing? maybe a different dialog? Earlier that year I had married the man I thought was my “Happily Ever After,” and in the Spring of 2015, I gave birth to my miracle baby. I had once again set the story aside to live the life that was right in front of me, and I thought when the time is right, I’d pick it back up and move forward. Little did I know that in the summer of 2016, my happy ending would shatter. God was not done with my story.
January 25th, 2017, I was sitting in my third-floor apartment, my sweet little boy playing with his toys on the living room floor as I sat in my chair weeping. I was a single mom with little money and no idea what my future held. My heart was broken, and I was having a hard time seeing what God was doing. The details of my divorce were proving to be quite devastating; and even though I tried so hard to be strong and brave, I was losing momentum and hope. There have been a few times in my life that God has put it on my heart to give a certain amount of money to someone or towards something, maybe as a way to show my obedience or just to be a blessing. I also believe that sometimes it has been a way to plant a seed for my future financially, not like rubbing a magic lamp and making three wishes, though. I can’t really explain it other than to say that when I feel the Holy Spirit prompting me to do something, I need to listen and obey. So on this day I was really needing a certain amount of money. I was praying pretty specifically that God would provide it somehow. The immediate response I felt in my heart to my prayer was “Give $58 to the ‘Love Fund’ at church.” “WHAT?! I don’t think you heard me right. I need money. I have $60 in my account. How am I supposed to give $58!?” Again, I heard the same thing: “Give $58 to the ‘Love Fund’ at church.” I got my wallet out, went online, and gave the $58. I continued crying and prayed “Lord Jesus, I am trusting that you love me and are taking care of me, that you see what I don’t see. I will keep trusting you.” I picked up my precious baby boy and set him in his crib with some toys right outside my bathroom door so I could keep an eye on him while I showered and tried to regain my composure to move on to the next thing. I stood there as the water, mixed with tears, streamed down my face, and it was like a flash of lighting. All of a sudden, God gave me the ending to the story. It was literally like a flash of light in my head as everything fell into place. I began to cry tears of joy as I thanked God for His faithfulness. Over the years, every time I would feel financial pressure and go to God in prayer about it, I would hear Him say to my heart “Have you worked on your story?” I would kind of work on it a little but then put it away. That day, as soon as I got out of the shower, I ran to my computer and made the changes to the story that God had laid on my heart. Even though I didn’t have the amount of money I prayed for in my hand, I knew what He gave me that day was far more valuable.
To be continued…